The 10 Best Items in the Dice & Ice Auction Catalogue

The Canucks Dice & Ice Benefit is a fabulous annual charity event that raises money for the Canucks For Kids Fund in support of Canuck Place Children's Hospice and BC Children's Hospital. We've never been, and until we have enough money to pay rent and still have some money left in our bank accounts, it's likely we won't be in attendance.

However, because PITB is a worldwide movement now, we have spies everywhere. We have managed to get ahold of the night's silent auction catalog. Thank you to our secret benefactor, who may or may not be Batman.

Suffice it to say, there's some sweet stuff in there, including a bevy of autographed jerseys by your favourite Canucks. No autographed Jannik Hansen jersey, though. To sign your name, you need hands, amirite? Ha ha, zing.

Anyway, as commoners, we understand the plight of those like us, who want to know about the neat stuff up for auction, but aren't on that particular mailing list. So, for the plebeian, we've compiled a short list of the coolest stuff the Canucks have put up for bid. Here are the ten best items in the Dice & Ice Auction Catalog:

Private Practice with Daniel & Henrik Sedin
A once in a lifetime opportunity to have Canucks Alternate Captain Daniel Sedin and Captain Henrik Sedin coach your BC minor hockey league team for a practice. This prize is open to minor hockey players 16 years old and younger and includes the opportunity to watch a private Canucks practice at
Rogers Arena followed by your one hour session on-ice with Daniel and Henrik Sedin running drills for your youth team.

Kindly Donated By: Daniel & Henrik Sedin
Value: Priceless

Okay kids, let's work on our saucer passes. You start here, at your own goal line. Your teammate will skate the length of the ice. Hit him with the pass just as he reaches the blue line. Whoops, you fell down. Whoops, so did he. Let's move on. Okay kids, let's work on our positioning. Put your back to the defender. Now, he's going to crosscheck you in the back as hard as he possibly can. Here's a tip: really choke up on the stick so he can get the full effect of your crosscheck. Now, whatever you do, don't lose the puck.

Be A Part of the Team Photo
Take part in this once in a lifetime opportunity to be in the Canucks Team Photo at the end of the 2010.11 season. This opportunity is available for one person and includes one 8x10 copy of the team photo and a replica jersey to wear in the photograph.

Kindly Donated By: Vancouver Canucks
Value: Priceless

"Who's the creepy guy in the corner?" "That's Raffi Torres." "Who's the goofy-looking one?" "Still Torres." "No, next to him." "Oh. I have no idea."

One Hour Co-Host Spot on 100.5 The Peak
Let your voice be heard with a one hour co-host opportunity on 100.5 The Peak! The Peak is one of Vancouver’s newest radio stations and features adult alternative music intensive radio station that has a huge emphasis on new and emerging artists with a secondary focus on alternative music from the 80’s & 90’s. It’s the only place you’ll hear the hottest rock, acoustic, folk, and much more, all on one station – setting a new standard for great music in Vancouver.

Kindly Donated By: 100.5 The Peak
Value: Priceless

What is this crap? This sounds like it was recorded in a garage! I'm sick of your artsy-fartsy college kid music! I paid big money for this co-hosting gig, and I say we play The Everly Brothers!

Autographed Script from “Two and a Half Men’’
Own an autographed script from the Golden Globe nominated television show Two and a Half Men. “The Mooch at the Boo’’ script is signed by Charlie Sheen, Jon Cryer and Angus T. Jones.

Kindly Donated By: Macklam/Feldman
Value: Priceless

Now you can join the ever-growing list of people to have Charlie Sheen's DNA somewhere in your home.

Roberto Luongo Game Used & Autographed Stick
This game used Reebok goalie stick has been autographed by Roberto Luongo.

Kindly Donated By: Vancouver Canucks
Value: Priceless

Not sure why Luongo still had this stick, considering he was named the game's first star that night. And why does the signature say, "To Brad Ziemer, get bent?"

Kesler Family Men’s RK17 Clothing Basket
This basket features the best men’s clothing from Ryan Kesler’s new clothing line, RK17. Some of the highlights include a men’s jacket, underwear and boxer briefs, baseball hat, long and short sleeve T’s, polo shirt, bowling shirt, hoodie, the Canucks 2010.11 Official Team Year Book, an autographed 8x10 action shot of Ryan Kesler, and much more!

Kindly Donated By: Ryan and Andrea Kesler
Value: $750

10 to 1 that 8x10 action shot looks a lot like this action shot. Oh look, he signed his nipples.

Samuelsson Family Coffee Basket
The Samuelssons want you to stay caffeinated with this sleek Nespresso CITIZ coffee maker with important accessory, the Nespresso Aeroccino (both in silver). Created to please both coffee drinkers and lovers of modern design, the CITIZ coffee maker represents the union of functionality and ‘’retromodern’’ design and caters to all coffee preferences. The accompanying Aeroccino is a new, automatic and amazingly simple way of creating light, creamy milk froth. Just pour in some cold, fresh milk and press the button for exceptional quality milk froth.

Kindly Donated By: Mikael and Sandra Samuelsson
Value: $375

Sometimes Mikael Samuelsson seems on edge, don't you agree? We may finally have our explanation. Look at this gift basket. This ain't some sissy coffee package. This is the package of a full-blown addict. Ten minutes after you win this, Samuelsson's going to run up to you, shouting obscenities, scratching his neck, and tearfully demanding it back.

Hamhuis Family Fitness Basket
This basket contains a variety of fitness goodies from Twist Conditioning, including a gift certificate for three one-on-one 60 minutes training sessions, a Smart Training DVD, Twist Conditioning Smart Toner exercise bands (med and heavy resistance), a Twist Conditioning sling shot, a Suspension Training Pro-pack (containing TRX suspension trainer model p2, a compact mesh carry bag, a 65 min intro to suspension training DVD, and a durable quick start and workout guide), an exercise ball, and a Dan Hamhuis autographed Canucks jersey.

Kindly Donated By: Dan and Sarah Hamhuis
Value: Priceless

Here's the shocker of the evening: Dan "Community Man" Hamhuis gives you the gift of self-improvement. He originally wanted to give you everything you'd need to rappel into an oppressed mountainside village in the Himalayas and free all the slave kids, but the Canucks said no. By the way, that jersey is a size small. If you really work at it, eventually it'll fit you, and you'll be so proud of yourself when it does.

Glass Family Board Game Night Basket
Get the family away from the TV and have some fun with this collection of board games and snacks! This basket of fun contains Canada Monopoly, Life, Jenga, Catch Phrase, Scrabble, Mouse Trap, Set, Uno, Playing Cards, Scrabble, Cards, Bottle of Wine, Sparkling Cider, Organic Popcorn, Butter Marshmallow Squares and Carmel Almond Pecans.

Kindly Donated By: Tanner Glass and Emily Tracy
Total Value: $300

Emily, I'm sick and tired of people thinking I'm just some guy who plays Scrabble. I wish there was a way to let the world know I play more board games than that.

Ehrhoff Family Night Out With Christian Basket
Enjoy a Saturday night out for two with Canucks star defenceman Christian Ehrhoff! On February 26, you will be picked up at your home in Vancouver/Burnaby/North Shore by a McLean’s Restaurant chauffeur. After dinner at McLean’s ($150 gift certificate), you’ll be driven to Rogers Arena to watch the Canucks take on the Bruins from your lower bowl seats. After the game, you’ll be driven back to McLean’s to enjoy post-game dessert and drinks with Christian Ehrhoff! When your visit with Christian is over, you’ll be driven home and will take two autographed Christian Ehrhoff t-shirts with you as your souvenir for the evening.

Kindly Donated By: Christian and Farina Ehrhoff
Total Value: Priceless

Dessert is on you, by the way. After games, Christian likes to eat kaiserschmarrn with applesauce. He'll be very upset if he doesn't get his kaiserschmarrn with applesauce. No kaiserschmarrn with applesauce, no Christian. Whatever you do, do not forget the applesauce. And go easy on the salt. He's a flail snail.


But seriously, we hope the event is a raging success and that the Canucks raise a ton of money for those kids.

I Watched This Game: Canucks vs. Blackhawks, February 4, 2011

Canucks 4 - 3 Blackhawks

Was that an exciting game or what? The correct answer is not "what." Chicago came out flying tonight and put the Canucks on their heels through most of this game. It can be argued that they deserved the win: a questionable no-goal call went against the 'Hawks and the Canucks' first goal was demonstrably offside. Having felt the burn of poor officiating in the past, I certainly sympathize with Blackhawks' fans. At the same time, the 'Hawks had ample opportunity to win this game and gave up two leads, so it's a little unfair to place the blame solely on the referees.

In any case, the Canucks were, arguably, outplayed in this game. But, their best players were their best players and they won. It was marvelous. I watched this game.

• We at PITB have frequently complained about Luongo's tendency to use his glove to punch pucks rather than catch them. Tonight Luongo proved that Rollie Melanson reads Pass it to Bulis. Clearly Melanson took our complaints to heart and taught Luongo the proper use of his trapper. One of his finest glove saves can be seen above, but there seemed to be dozens of slick glove stops from Lu in this game. He was very, very good. It took a wide-open all-star and two rather unfortunate bounces tonight to get the puck past him.

• Chris Tanev made up for Luongo's lack of punchiness by punching in the Blackhawks' third goal. It was an unfortunate moment for the rookie who has played remarkably well since being called up. Unfortunately, with Andrew Alberts set to return soon and Sami Salo remaining remarkably uninjured during his first game for the Manitoba Moose, Tanev won't be with the Canucks for much longer. Still, he has vaulted his way up the depth chart like an angry pole vaulter and I have a feeling we'll see a lot more of him in the future.

• The Canucks' top line combined for 12 shots on goal and had another 9 attempts blocked or miss the net. They seemed to be the only line that was able to create sustained offensive pressure. Henrik finished with a goal and two assists to earn first-star honors. His bloodthirsty brother not only became the NHL's leading scorer tonight, he also passed Markus Naslund to become the Canucks' all-time record holder for game-winning goals. Remember when people used to claim the Sedins weren't clutch?

• Cody Hodgson had a decent game despite barely playing. A big reason for Ehrhoff's goal was Hodgson's smart play in gaining the zone and throwing the puck on net, which Tanner Glass reciprocated, creating the massive rebound for Ehrhoff to blast past Turco. Discussions of the offside nature of the goal aside, that was a hell of a slapshot. It ripped a hole in time, love and space, and was behind Turco before Ehrhoff even shot it.

• On the other hand, Hodgson went 1-for-5 in the faceoff circle and only played 7:11. And he left the ice too quickly to get a +1 in his plus-minus column. Kesler, Malhotra, and Henrik made up for Hodgson's lack in the circle, going 14-for-21, 10-for-15, and 12-for-16 respectively. Unfortunately, the Canucks went 8-for-20 in the defensive zone, a big reason why the Blackhawks always seemed to be there.

• The TSN intermission crew did a great job analyzing the two controversial plays, one highlighting the fact that Ehrhoff's goal was indeed offside and one showing that Troy Brouwer did in fact make contact with Luongo's blocker on Bolland's controversial disallowed Chicago goal. Still, the fact that it was such a minuscule piece of contact means it's still a bit of a sketchy call.

• Rough night for the third line, as they all finished on the minus side of the ledger. Particularly rough for Hansen, who finished a game-low -3 as he was on the ice for all three Chicago goals. It's unfortunate for Torres, as he was very noticeable on the ice tonight, throwing a couple solid checks and blocking 3 shots. Malhotra was solid in the faceoff circle, but was thoroughly victimized by Jonathan Toews on the Blackhawks' first goal, as he was squeezed off the puck against the boards and wasn't able to recover to pressure Toews before the shot.

• Aaron Rome played a physical game: he was only credited with 2 hits, but they were big, noticeable hits. Unfortunately, he also was credited with 3 giveaways and almost cost the Canucks a goal when he tried to give Luongo a hug behind the net. To his credit, he recovered and slid behind Luongo to make a knee save on the subsequent goalscoring chance, but it was a clear sign that he has missed a few games and is a bit out of sync. That by itself is a reason to get him back into the game ahead of Lee Sweatt. An out-of-sync Rome in the playoffs would be potentially disastrous.

• Hips laid out Kopecky with a solid hipcheck, then followed it up with a picture perfect shotblock, also on Kopecky. You may have also noticed Luongo's enormous glove save on Kopecky at the top of the page. Basically, it wasn't a good night to be Kopecky. It was almost as bad as the Olympics, when the closed captioning spelled out his name as "Could Pets Ski." Unfortunate.

• Ehrhoff doesn't seem to get angry very often, but when he does, look out. He flipped out on Stalberg, flailing around like a Flail Snail. I admit, I only wanted to mention this so I could link to the Flail Snail. Seriously. Flail Snail.

• Samuelsson has been fantastic lately: he had 5 shots on goal, including this blast from the point on the powerplay that deflected past Turco. Even prettier, however, was his pass on Henrik's goal. Leading up to the goal were, of course, two Sedin backpasses, but those are so routine that pointing them out seems superfluous. Meanwhile, Kesler braved the crotch-hacking dangers of the front of the net, and set a perfect screen on Turco. So everyone was involved except Ehrhoff, who was too busy daydreaming about punching Stalberg.

• Daniel's gamewinning goal was a prime example of Wizardous Sedinerie: Daniel clearly used Mage Hand to levitate that puck over Turco. Now, since there were no somatic or verbal components, he must have both Silent Spell and Still Spell as feats. Applying both feats would increase the level of the spell by 2, meaning that Daniel Sedin must be, at minimum, a third-level Wizard.

• I'm a big fan of Ray Ferraro. He's one of the best colour commentators in the business. I don't have a joke here, I just felt like it needed to be said.

• An indication of how good a game Luongo had can be found by looking at the Blackhawks' four leading shooters: Patrick Sharp and Brian Campbell had 6 shots apiece and Marian Hossa and Patrick Kane had 7 each. Not one of them scored. Luongo answered the ultimate question of life, the universe, and everything with 42 saves.