Stanley Cup and Cheesecake 2011 - Eastern Conference Quarters Edition

(1) Washington Capitals vs. (8) New York Rangers

It's time for the Capitals to put up or shut up. Nice as that Winter Classic Champions 2011 is gonna look hanging from the Verizon Center rafters, if it's not joined by a Stanley Cup Champs banner, and soon, heads are gonna roll. As it is, anything less than the Prince of Wales Trophy may see Capitals coach Bruce Boudreau on a street corner somewhere holding a hand-scrawled sign that say "Will coach for Haagen-Dazs."

They'll look to take the first step against the Rangers, who had to depend on Carolina to lose their last game to even get into the playoffs. But if New York was going to face anyone as an eighth seed, Washington is they team they'd pick, having won the season series 3-1 and having blanked the high-octane Caps offense twice by scores of 7-0 and 6-0. I came very close to picking the Rangers to get the upset in this series...I even did a drawing for them...but in the end, I think the loss of Ryan Callahan will prove too much for New York to overcome, and Washington will prevail in a series that goes the distance. Capitals in seven.

(2) Philadelphia Flyers vs. (7) Buffalo Sabres

Philly started the season where they left off the last one, hot and on a roll. They led the East much of the way all year, but lately, that mojo has been waning. The goaltending is questionable, and they went 3-7 in their last ten games, coming very close to losing the Atlantic division title.

The Sabres, on the other hand, are one of the best teams in the league since their sale to Sabres-superfan Terry Pegula in February solidified their place in Buffalo and put to rest their long-standing ownership issues. They've basically been playing playoff hockey with little margin for error since the All-Star break. Provided they aren't completely exhausted from the journey, they should be able to continue their winning ways and upset the Flyers. Sabres in six.

(3) Boston Bruins vs. (6) Montreal Canadiens

These two teams have had numerous memorable matchups over their decades-long rivalry, and this season has been no exception. Will we see the spirited Habs team that put 1000 penalty minutes on the board in February, or the team that rolled over and got destroyed by the Bruins in March? As last year proved, you can never, ever count out the Canadiens, but I think it'll be the Bruins in five.

(4) Pittsburgh Penguins vs. (5) Tampa Bay Lightning

It's impossible to be objective about a Penguins playoff series, but I'll give it a try.

Steve Downie aside, the Lightning are a pretty likable team...young stars alongside some grizzled veterans. Major upgrade in management this past offseason, with the hiring of Steve Yzerman. You knew he was gonna turn it around, it was just a question of how long it'd take. Well, the turnaround has arrived, and you'd better get used to seeing Tampa in the playoffs, because it's gonna be an annual thing for the next decade.

The Penguins have been plugging along at an unthinkable clip, considering they've been without their two biggest superstars for most of the year. Strange as it may seem, this season has been incredibly fun for me...with player after player being knocked out of the lineup for one reason or another, only to see the players who are in the lineup somehow scrape together win after win in games they had no business even being competitive in. As a Penguins fan, I'm just really friggin' proud of how the team has responded in the face of almost comical adversity.

Strong as Tampa's offensive weapons are, I think this is a good matchup for the offense-depleted Pens. Their penalty kill has been good...historically good...all season long, and if they can simply limit the Lightning's chances on the man advantage, they should be able to score enough goals to win four 3-2 games. Penguins in six.

CRASS COMMERCIALISM DEPT: All of the original, hand-drawn art for the Stanley Cup pinup girls is available at my Etsy store...and if you'd like to go the extra mile and get a personalized, one-of-a-kind uni-girl illustration of your very own to your exact specifications, that information can be found here.

Stanley Cup and Cheesecake 2011 - Western Conference Quarters Edition

Man, is there anything better than playoff hockey? The pucks finally drop tomorrow night! I for one have been going crazy since mid-February, thinking about matchups, seedings, who can beat who and who I'm excited about drawing! Without further ado, here's this year's edition of my guarantee-free playoff picks!

(1) Vancouver Canucks vs. (8) Chicago Blackhawks

Vancouver has been cruising all season, and has been in first place since about Christmas. They're loaded, they're rested, and they're ready to finally make that long Cup-winning run.

Standing in their way is their old nemesis, the Stanley Cup champion Blackhawks. Gutted by salary cap constrictions which saw them jettison almost a dozen players from last year's championship team, the Hawks have struggled all season, needing a choke job by the Dallas Stars to even reach the postseason. They seem ripe for the picking...a speedbump on the way out of the parking lot for the juggernaut Canucks. But you cannot discount Chicago so easily. They score a TON of goals, and they'll play without fear, having knocked Vancouver out of the playoff the last two seasons. In the end, though, I think the third matchup will finally go the Canucks way, and the Blackhawks championship reign will end on home ice. Canucks in six.

(2) San Jose Sharks vs. (7) Los Angeles Kings

Pity the poor Kings...they really seemed to be on the precipice of great things early this season. Hell, I was buying them as a contender in the West. But they've been bitten and bitten bad by the injury bug the last few weeks...you can't help but think they'll struggle to score with Anze Kopitar out of the lineup. Take it from this Pens fan...if you're pinning your hopes on Alexei Ponikarovsky to turn it up in the playoffs, you're going to end up disappointed.

The Sharks...what can you say about the Sharks? They're there every year, close but not quite. They took a big step in 2010, though...They actually kinda met expectations, despite being swept in the Western Conference final. Dumping veteran choker goalie Evgenii Nabokov in favor of Antti Niemi may be the move that ultimately makes the difference and takes the Sharks to the next level. He'll definitely be enough to win this round, as No Cal beats So Cal. Sharks in five.

(3) Detroit Red Wings vs. (6) Phoenix Coyotes

The Red Wings did themselves a HUGE favor on the season's final day, beating Chicago to avoid a first round matchup with Nashville, who I think were due for an upset against their Central Division rival. Instead, it'll be Phoenix with revenge on their minds, having lost a hard-fought series to Detroit last spring. As was the case last year, I'd LOVE to pick the Coyotes, just to thumb my nose at the entitled, easily offended Red Wing fanbase and the massive persecution complex they share that bombed-out Detroit rowhouse with, but I just can't bring myself to do it. Let's never speak of this again. Wings in seven.

(4) Anaheim Ducks vs. (5) Nashville Predators

You heard it here first (okay, fiftieth): This is the year the Preds finally get off the schnied and win a playoff series. Yes, the Ducks are hot, scoring goals at a torrid pace, but the Predators have been strong and steady all year. This'll be a fun one to watch, with Nashville coming out on top and advancing to round two. I'd bet my buddy Davis' beloved mustard sweater on it. Predators in six.

CRASS COMMERCIALISM DEPT: All of the original, hand-drawn art for the Stanley Cup pinup girls is available at my Etsy store...and if you'd like to go the extra mile and get a personalized, one-of-a-kind uni-girl illustration of your very own to your exact specifications, that information can be found here.

Stanley Cup and Cheesecake 2010 - Eastern Conference Semifinals

(4) Pittsburgh Penguins vs. (8) Montreal Canadiens

Wow. What an unreal couple weeks, huh? It would seem that, impossibly, the Penguins have a clear path to a third straight Eastern Conference title, what with the Caps, Devils and Sabres pulling off the choke trifecta in the first round. The waters have parted, and a third straight trip to the finals lies, however infeasibly, just ahead...but this is the playoff, so no way is it a walk in the park.

First the Penguins need to get past the Canadiens and suddenly-stellar goaltender Jaroslav Halak, who absolutely slammed the door on Washington's terrifying offense in games 5, 6 and 7 to stun the Caps and take the series. One would have to imagine that the Habs can't possibly have lightning strike twice and steal another series...but if I'd been doing this in 1996 I woulda said the same thing about John Vanbiesbrouck and the Florida Panthers, and we all know how that turned out. If Halak is still human, the Pens should win relatively easy. Penguins in five.



(6) Boston Bruins vs. (7) Philadelphia Flyers

I gotta be honest, I have no feel for this rematch of the Winter Classic, outside of stunned disbelief that it's even happening. If this is a regular season game on NBC on a Sunday afternoon, I probably volunteer to tag along with my wife on a trip to Barnes & Noble...just zero interest. But a playoff matchup is a different story entirely, and you gotta figure we'll see some pretty tight games. In the end, though, I have a nagging feeling that Philly won't be able to overcome injuries to scorers Jeff Carter and Simon Gagne, and that Brian Boucher is due for a return to planet Earth. And speaking of goalies and planets, doesn't the name of Boston netminder Tuukka Rask sound like the name of one of those STAR WARS characters that's onscreen for like .002 seconds, but you don't find out his actual name 'til they put out an action figure of him? I'll go with Bruins in seven.



CRASS COMMERCIALISM DEPT: All of the original, hand-drawn art for the Stanley Cup pinup girls is available at my Etsy store...and if you'd like to go the extra mile and get a personalized, one-of-a-kind uni-girl illustration of your very own to your exact specifications, that information can be found here.

Stanley Cup and Cheesecake 2010 - Western Conference Semifinals

(1) San Jose Sharks vs. (5) Detroit Red Wings

I simply cannot tell you how sick I am of drawing pictures of girls in Red Wing jerseys. I am as tired of it as I am excited about drawing girls in Pens sweaters. Every year, every round, there they are...as inescapable as death itself. Plus, the fact that they play in Detroit means that no one will ever have the scratch to buy any of the original art. For me, it's a lose-lose situation.

Still, picking the Sharks to win would be an inexcusable affront to whatever feeble claim on journalistic integrity I have. I know they're going to choke, you know they're going to choke...hell, I'm sure even they know they're going to choke. It kills me to admit and I'd love to see San Jose prove me wrong, but you can't fight fate. Red Wings in six.



(2) Chicago Blackhawks vs. (3) Vancouver Canucks

A few weeks back, maybe mid-March, I was about halfway through a five-mile run, and a weird premonition of the Penguins and Canucks popped into my head. As the season wound down, it looked less and less likely, and kinda fell to the back of my consciousness...but with all the wacky events of the past week, the scenario, while still highly unlikely, now at least approaches the realm of possibility.

I'm also a little down on the Blackhawks...they've traditionally been among the small group of teams I don't hate, and in fact root for when my horse isn't in the race. But they've got the stink of Hossa on 'em this year, which I'd kinda forgotten about until he Ovechkined Nashville's Dan Hamhius last weekend. Dude is such a turd. As amazing and satisfying as it'd be to watch him lose in the Stanley Cup Finals for a third straight year, I'm afraid that with many of the East's top seeds having choked in the first round that if the Hawks make it that far he might actually lift The Cup. *shudder* It's too gross an image to consider.

Anyway, it's kind of a toss-up, but I'm thinking Luongo and the Sedin-bots will get it done. Canucks in seven.



CRASS COMMERCIALISM DEPT: All of the original, hand-drawn art for the Stanley Cup pinup girls is available at my Etsy store...and if you'd like to go the extra mile and get a personalized, one-of-a-kind uni-girl illustration of your very own to your exact specifications, that information can be found here.

Stanley Cup and Cheesecake 2010 - Western Conference Quarterfinals

Today we finish up the first round of the playoffs with our Western Conference picks. Yesterday's Eastern Conference picks can be peeped here.

(1) San Jose Sharks vs. (8) Colorado Avalanche

I got an email the other day. It was written last April, and it was from myself, arranged to be sent to me the first week of April, 2010. It said "DON'T PICK THE SHARKS!".

And yet, here I go again.

It's different this time, though...last year, the Sharks lost to a Ducks team that had scratched and clawed to get into the playoffs over the last few weeks of the season, while San Jose cruised to the President's Trophy. They were ripe for the picking. This year, they face an Avalanche squad that is backsliding, desperate, and hanging on by it's fingernails. They've made a valiant run all season, but the clock is about to strike midnight. There's no way to expect this gritty group of youngsters to overcome all the Sharks' firepower At least, that's what I'll tell myself when Colorado sends San Jose packing. Why do I never learn? Sharks in six.



(2) Chicago Blackhawks vs. (7) Nashville Predators

The young Blackhawks were ahead of schedule last season, reaching the Western Conference finals before losing to the Red Wings, and despite multiple attempts to jinx their team with premature celebratory wall murals and t-shirts, the teams seems poised to take the next step. On the other side of the ledger are the Predators, who always seem to be in the mix but never much of a threat to actually go anywhere. The people of Chicago seem to believe. Do the Hawks? Blackhawks in five.



(3) Vancouver Canucks vs. (6) Los Angeles Kings

A few weeks back, I had a vision of Vancouver and Pittsburgh in the Stanley Cup Finals. A lot less sure about that matchup now. The Canucks seem to have it all going for them, but for some reason I feel like the Kings can pull off the win in a long series here, for several reasons: They have "The Piece", Rob Scuderi. I have to pick at least one true upset. And, I find those Sedin twins so goddamn creepy. Kings in seven.



(4) Phoenix Coyotes vs. (5) Detroit Red Wings

Wow, is there a better story in the NHL this year than the success of the Coyotes? They went from being unsure if they'd even be playing in Phoenix to notching 100+ points and making the playoffs for the first time in 8 years. Unfortunately, like many great stories, it's far better on paper than on film, as anyone who's sat through a Coyotes game this season can attest. They play a style even more boring than the Red Wings', which is no small feat. That the teams are scheduled to play two nationally-televised first-round games on NBC oughta squeeze that last bit of interest out of the Gold Medal game balloon. Ambien on ice. Red Wings in six.



CRASS COMMERCIALISM DEPT: All of the original, hand-drawn art for the Stanley Cup pinup girls is available at my Etsy store...and if you'd like to go the extra mile and get a personalized, one-of-a-kind uni-girl illustration of your very own to your exact specifications, that information can be found here.

Stanley Cup and Cheesecake 2010 - Eastern Conference Quarterfinals

(1) Washington Capitals vs. (8) Montreal Canadiens

As much as I might like to think that a return to Montreal to play his old team will get in Jose Theodore's head and cause him to lose his shit, there's no way the Capitals don't win this series. The Habs are going nowhere...if the season lasted another week, their spot in the playoffs would no doubt be claimed by the Rangers. Besides, an early Caps exit would deny the world another Washington/Pittsburgh playoff matchup and an eighth Penguins victory. No way Gary Bettman is letting that happen. Capitals in five.



(2) New Jersey Devils vs. (7) Philadelphia Flyers

This one seems like a no-brainer until you consider that the Devils, despite their fine record, managed only one win in six tries against the Flyers this year. For whatever reason, Philly has had New Jersey's number. I think that changes in this series. Best Goalie Of All Time or not, Martin Brodeur has been outplayed, frankly, in the playoffs the last couple years. However, I simply can't believe that Brian Boucher will be able to duplicate the success that Henrik Lundqvist and Cam Ward had in 2008 and 2009. It'll be a long, tough series, but it'll ultimately be a win for the Devils in seven.



(3) Buffalo Sabres vs. (6) Boston Bruins

U.S. Olympic hero Ryan Miller and the Sabres against a Boston team who've been fighting just to cling to a playoff spot the last two months. The Sabres have quietly put together a very impressive season, and may well prove to be the ultimate fly in the ointment for some unlucky Eastern Conference team before it's all said and done. Boston has struggled all season to score goals, so unless Miller has an epic meltdown, this one oughta be over quick. Sabres in five.



(4) Pittsburgh Penguins vs. (5) Ottawa Senators

These guys again? This'll be the third time the Pens and Sens have faced off in the first round in the last four years. The overall score stands at 1-1, and though neither of those series was close, this one definitely promises to be. Both teams have been up and down all season: The Senators have had long losing and winning streaks, while the Penguins have been in win two, lose one, win two, lose one mode since the beginning of December. If I'm being perfectly honest with you, I'll admit that playing the Sens in the first round scares the shit outta me...in fact, logic almost dictates that I pick them to win it. But, with all the thrills and joy the Pens have provided over the past two seasons, there's no way I'm giving up on them now...So, in the words of Bud Brigman, "FUCK LOGIC!" Penguins in six.



CRASS COMMERCIALISM DEPT: All of the original, hand-drawn art for the Stanley Cup pinup girls is available at my Etsy store...and if you'd like to go the extra mile and get a personalized, one-of-a-kind uni-girl illustration of your very own to your exact specifications, that information can be found here.

Stanley Cup and Cheesecake 2008

My Stanley Cup Playoff picks didn't exactly set the world on fire in terms of debate and comments last April, but they were a lot of fun to do! So, here's this year's serving of hockey picks and cheesecake!

Also, I should note that my Stanley Cup Finals prediction of Sharks vs. Penguins, made on video last October as the season was just getting underway and both teams were in the tank, is looking mighty smart now, if all the experts are to be believed.



(1) Montreal Canadiens vs. (8) Boston Bruins

The Habs owned the Bruins all year, going a perfect 8-0 against them in the season series. And Montreal dominated those games, outscoring Boston 39-16. They might win a game, I can't see a way Boston avoids getting steamrolled. Which, since they're from Boston, I would find hilarious. Canadiens in five.



(2) Pittsburgh Penguins vs. (7) Ottawa Senators

These teams meet again in the first round for the second straight year. Last year I underestimated the veteran Sens, and they went out and thrashed the Pens in five games on the way to the finals where they lost to the Ducks. This is a different Ottawa team, however, almost choked their way out of the playoffs entirely after an amazing start to the season. Their best player is hurt, they've got one goalie who's a nutjob and another who's not very good, and are generally going in the wrong direction. Conversely, the young Penguins have weathered their first playoffs and the disappointment that comes with losing, are finally healthy and and are getting spectacular play from netminder Marc-Andre Fleury. You'd think I would have learned some humility after picking the Pens in six last April and being completely wrong, but I'm going to fly in the face of superstition and pick the Penguins in five.



(3) Washington Capitals vs. (6) Philadelphia Flyers

This is a toughie, as both of these teams were on the outside of the playoffs looking in just a short while ago. The Capitals are flying high right now, wresting the division title from the Carolina Hurricanes in their final game of the season, while the Flyers rebounded from being the worst team in the NHL last year. Washington has all-everything superstar Alex Ovechkin, while Philly has a lot of no-names whose game plan is to break the ankles of the other teams best player. Trouble is, sometimes it actually works. I'm not gonna lie to you...I hate both these teams...but I hate the Caps a lot less, so I'm gonna pick them to win it. Capitals in seven.



(4) New Jersey Devils vs. (5) New York Rangers

If you're having trouble sleeping, why not skip the Ambien and tune into this series, which promises to be a complete snooze. Both teams have great goaltenders, play stiff, choking defence, and can't score for shit. The Rangers won seven of eight games against the Devils this season, but unlike the Canadiens/Bruins matchups, the games were very close, with several having to be decided in overtime. I give the nod to New York 'cause they have more ex-Penguins, and because they're just slightly less horrid offensively than New Jersey. Rangers in six.









(1) Detroit Red Wings vs. (8) Nashville Predators

This one might not be the cakewalk it appears to be for the Red Wings, who amassed more points than any other team this season. Nashville is in the same division as the Wings, and played them tough in eight regular-season meetings. In the end, though, I expect Detroit's star-studded lineup to win out. Also, if the Preds win, chances improve that I'll have to hear someone use the exceedingly annoying term "Nash Vegas". Red Wings in six.



(2) San Jose Sharks vs. (7) Calgary Flames

It sucks having my two favorite Western Conference teams meet up in the first round, as it means one of them will be eliminated early...but it oughta be awfully entertaining while it lasts. Cal-gary's good, but the Sharks are on an absolute tear, having won something like 19 of their last 20. I don't think the Flames can keep up. Sharks in six.



(3) Minnesota Wild vs. (6) Colorado Avalanche

The only two teams in the playoffs with singular names face off in what figures to be a pretty even series. That's what I've read, anyway...I've only seen maybe one period of a Wild or Avs game all season. I've gone back and forth several times just while writing this paragraph, but I think I'll go with the Avalanche- no, the Wild in seven.




(4) Anaheim Ducks vs. (5) Dallas Stars

I don't really care much for the Dallas Stars...in fact, I have problems with the whole concept of Texas. But I flatly refuse to draw those lameass, shitass Ducks jerseys. They actually redesigned them over the summer to fit the new RBK Edge jersey template...and this is all they came up with? Makes me nostalgic for this. Anyway, screw 'em...they're ugly. Oh, and their captain, Chris Pronger, is a turd. Stars in seven.