Why I Am Not Too Worked Up About Josh Howard by Amanda Cobra

I suppose I should be spearheading an angry letter writing campaign demanding for the trade of Josh Howard. Or better yet, I should be fashioning a makeshift torch out of today's sports section of the Dallas Morning News (more of a comment on how entertaining a read I find it to be) and rounding up fellow angry villagers to storm the castle and demand the monster be brought to us. But I just am not that angry. Just like how I wasn't angry when Josh Howard admitted to smoking weed in the off-season. Maybe Josh Howard has lost the ability to shock me. But wait, that's not true!

I can think of at least one Josh Howard incident that still gets me worked up. It was the birthday party thing where in the midst of choking in the first round of the playoff last season, Howard saw fit to throw himself a little b-day shindig and hand out invites to said shindig in the locker room. All I could think of was how when I was a kid, I loved going to Wet and Wild but my birthday was in December. So I would always bitch about how I would never get to have a birthday party at Wet and Wild. One day my mom pointed out that you can have your birthday party any day of the year and if I wanted, I could just move my birthday temporarily to June to accommodate Wet and Wild's hours of operation. I should hope in the future that Josh Howard adheres to the Wet and Wild birthday logic. Birthday parties are not manifest destiny, dude.

But without getting too ranty or political, I just can't get outraged about his most recent shenanigans. It was stupid, that's for sure. But I guess the reason I can't get too worked up about it is because it's not the incendiary statement of a Huey P. Newton trying to tear the fabric of a nation apart. It's Urkel. It's Urkel talking into a camera phone at a flag football game. I kind of wish the follow up press release was a heartfelt "Diiiiiiid I doooooooooo thaaaaaaaat?" though no one ever asks me to write their mea culpa press releases anymore. His statement, though I guess I should be deeply offended as an Amuuuuurican, reminded me of when my skateboarding boyfriend in 8th grade would draw the flag upside down on his backpack or write something about BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING YOU on his Government textbook. I am just surprised Josh didn't follow it up by kindly explaining to the camera that all barcodes add up to 666.

I will be horribly offended if Josh Howard chokes in the second half like he tended to do last season. Because, in his words, "I don't believe in that shit."