Texas A&M claimed the outright Big 12 regular-season title with a 2-1 victory tonight over the University of Texas. The game was nationally televised on ESPN-U. Previously, the Aggies had clinched at least a tie for the crown.

Minnesota Mullets: Nelson a Close Second

Brady Arneson is this year's winner of the 2008 Minnesota Mullet competition, however Diablo centreman Steve Nelson represented by narrowly missing out on the honor. The fact that Brady was wearing a North Dakota jersey did leave a bitter taste in Nelly's mouth, but fortunately Nelson averted a significant meltdown at the Hasting Eagle's Club and was escorted out peacefully. Read more from the Red Wing Republican Eagle. Great Job Brady!

Job Wanted

Job Ad #1:

NEED AN AUCTION CALLER? HUMAN TORNADO SIREN? EVER WANTED TO HIRE SOMEONE WITH A JOHN WATERS MUSTACHE?

I'm your guy. My name is Avery Johnson and I am looking to obtain employment that will utilize my skills both as a man with very powerful lungs and very little idea of how to coach a professional sports team. I am a published author of a book about learning from failure, of which I have experienced much as of late. And if it's a professional looking office environment in which I am employed, the good news is that I have plenty of suits and ties. If you find my skills to your liking, I hope you won't mind if I wear my championship ring during the interview. It's kind of my lucky charm.

Attached is my resume and I can furnish references upon request. As a side note, I respectfully request that my current employer NOT be contacted during any sort of pre-employment background check that you may conduct.


Job Ad #2:

LAID BACK COLLEGE GRADUATE LOOKING FOR A PART-TIME OPPORTUNITY.

Hi, my name is Josh Howard and I am proud graduate of Wake Forest College. I have dabbled in basketball but am now looking to gain some sort of part-time employment. I would search for full-time work but, in the interest of full disclosure, I must confess that I have a tendancy to only be able to really apply myself and work hard for half of any set amount of time. For instance, if you wanted me to come in at 9am and work until 5pm I would probably show up right at 9am. I would kind of hang back in the background or maybe even take a nap during a morning conference call. But right when you think you probably should fire me, I will come up with a good idea about moving the copier closer to the shredder. Assuming it's before lunchtime. Because I pretty much always tend to check out during the second half of my job. I mean I'm there physically but I am totally mailing it in. So if you've got a job that you don't really need done very well and you can work around my Grand Theft Auto schedule, please feel free to AIM me at: jhoneedsaJ.O.B.

PS - Must be 420 friendly.

Job Ad #3:

LOOKING TO GET PAID TO DO NOTHING

For further information, please call 214-555-KIDD. Ask for Jason. If no answer, please leave very slow and very monotone message and I will hit you back. Word.

[Ad redacted; applicant has since found employment]

Job Ad #4:

PLEASE GET US OUT OF THIS TOWN (2 positions wanted)

My name is Dirk and my friend JJ and I really need to get out of town. We will take any employment in any field, in any city outside of Dallas. My friend JJ is pretty upset because people keep making fun of him. I'm beaten down and my spirit is rightly completely broken by my dead end job. There are times when I am driving my silver Merc G Wagon up to my place of employment and I just want to turn around and drive back home and eat Chipotle and cry. I hate my boss. I hate puns involving my name. I hate having to do goofy-ass taco giveaway promos and pretend to play rock songs on the Jumbotron for rich people while they eat nachos and watch all my professional sports dreams circle the drain night after night. I asked JJ what some of his job qualifications and requirements are but he is sitting in a fetal position in my hall closet rocking back and forth and praying the rosary.

We both have Green Cards and are ready to work.

Congrats Ovie! Moving up to the Big Time

NHL Star Called Up To Big Leagues To Play For NFL Team

Grandville & Wayland Updates

Have been hearing about some changes at Grandville as well as Wayland and wanted to post updates here. Coach Mike Bynski of Grandville has confirmed his team will co-op with Byron Center next season. That move helps expand the number of potential players for the Bulldogs, who only had 19 kids try out for the team, which rostered 18. The short bench was problematic when players got hurt or were

Northwestern takes Game 1 of its doubleheader at Michigan, 2-1. The win by one run is the Wildcats' third in their last three games. The Wolverines had the bases loaded with two out in the bottom of the seventh, but couldn't get the equalizer. Both teams left a lot of runners on base (NU 11, UM 10). Wildcat pitcher Lauren Delaney's 12 strikeouts overall -- and especially her seven combined K's of Samantha Findlay, Maggie Viefhaus, and Dorian Shaw in the heart of the Michigan line-up -- appear to have been the key to the game.

Michigan scores three runs in the bottom of the seventh to edge Northwestern 3-2 in Game 2, thus earning a split of the doubleheader. As she's done many a time over her four-year Wolverine career, Samantha Findlay gets the game-winning hit.

In Pac 10 play, UCLA enjoyed a perfect weekend in the Bay Area -- winning at Cal and twice at Stanford -- to raise its conference record to 13-2. That keeps the pressure on conference leader Arizona State, which stands at 14-1 after breezing through the Oregon schools. The Sun Devils will visit the Bruins for games next Saturday and Sunday (before that, on Friday, UCLA will host Arizona for a single game, whereas ASU will play a game at Washington).

In the Big 12, Texas A&M took two from Nebraska this weekend to clinch at least a tie for the conference title. The Aggies stand at 16-1, with one league game to go for them -- Wednesday night hosting Texas on ESPN-U. Second place Oklahoma (14-2) closes with a two-game series against Baylor.

Finally, in the SEC, Florida (No. 2/3 nationally, 24-1 in conference) sits comfortably atop the Eastern Division of the league, whereas Alabama (No. 1/3, 23-2) does the same in the West. The conference's official Sunday round-up is available here.

The Big 10's marquee match-up of the season takes place Sunday in Ann Arbor, Michigan, as U of M hosts Northwestern for a doubleheader. Each team is 15-1 in conference play, meaning that a sweep by either team would put it in excellent position to win the league's regular-season title. The Wolverines have been flexing their offensive muscles of late, today winning their fifth straight run-rule (or mercy-rule) contest. These wins have come against Michigan State (twice), Ohio State (twice) and Eastern Michigan. Northwestern comes into Sunday's games having won two straight one-run battles at Penn State.

Just to broaden the coverage on this blog beyond the conferences I usually discuss, here's a nice article by ESPN.com's Graham Hays on the University of Massachusetts softball program.

Stanley Cup and Cheesecake- Semifinals Edition

Here's the official Atom-Bomb Bikini Stanley Cup prognostications for the semifinal round...sorry it took so long to post the art, but you try explaining to a ten-month-old how important it is that you have drawings of sexy girls in hockey sweaters to accompany your playoff picks!



(1) Montreal Canadiens vs. (6) Philadelphia Flyers

I really shoulda picked the Flyers in the first round, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Like many teams before them in their first trip to the playoffs, the Capitals just couldn't match the intensity and experience of the Flyers, making several key mistakes in overtime and losing game seven. Fuckin' Caps. (More on that later)

Still, the Flyers are living on borrowed time, and will find the Habs a much tougher opponent (Montreal's troubles with Boston in round one nonwithstanding). They should consider themselves lucky if they manage to take the Canadiens to a sixth game. Canadiens in six.



(2) Pittsburgh Penguins vs. (5) New York Rangers

As I was saying earlier...Fuckin' Caps! Their losing in the first round (Shoot, Ovie, SHOOT!) means that not only will the Penguins not face them in round two but a much better, much tougher (and a hell of a lot more boring) Rangers team in the second round, but also that I will not be able to go sit in a luxury box for game three or four, thanks to some of my wife's work connections. Fuckin' CAPS! Ah well, at least I won't have to watch every game on Comcast Sportsnet with their annoying announcers.

Anyhow, all I'm hearing is about how Sean Avery is gonna get the entire Pens lineup so flustered and bothered that they're gonna completely lose their shit and give the Rangers a series-long power play. Thuth is, either Jarkko Ruutu, Georges Laracque or Gary Roberts (gimpy groin and all) is gonna clean Avery's clock and that'll be the end of it. I hated...hated...the Rangers in the early 90's, when they seemed to face the Penguins in the playoffs every year and out-spent everybody else in the league, Yankees-style. In the late 90s, all that spending caught up with 'em, and they became pretty much a joke for the better part of a decade, and my ire for them kinda decreased into pity. I have a feeling by the end of the series, I'm gonna be a hater again. Penguins in six.





(1) Detroit Red Wings vs. (6) Colorado Avalanche

Man, was this ever a great rivalry back in the day...Claude Lemieux, Kris Draper...always fun to watch. I'm not sure the animosity is there to expect anything similar from this year's edition, but with as good as the Av's are playing right now, I think they could upset the Wings...especially if they can take them to six or seven games. Yeah, that's right, I picked the Avs to lose to the Wild, but now I'm picking them to beat the Red Wings. Avalanche in seven.



(2) San Jose Sharks vs. (5) Dallas Stars

The Stars made me look like a hockey genius in beating the defending champion Ducks in the first round, and I reward 'em by picking them to lose to San Jose. What can I say? I really feel like the Sharks are due, and I'm sticking by my early-season prediction of a Penguins/Sharks final. Sharks in six.

Playoff Preview - Detroit vs. Colorado

Update 4/24 @ 2:35 pm: Apparently I'm not the only person fired up for this series. Wings-Avs: Blood feud is getting renewal, by John Niyo from the Detroit News. Can't wait to read the Kizla rebuttal.

One of the best rivalries of the "new" NHL.

Some history: During the 96 Cup Playoffs, Claude Lemeiux from Colorado clobbered Kris Draper into the boards. Similar to Steph Veilleux's hit on Stastny during game four of the last series except Draper's head was crushed.

I couldn't find a video with only the hit - it's in the middle of this sequence - although you can see the style of Lemieux.



Colorado ended up winning the game and went on to win the Cup. After the series, Dino Ciccerelli (no stranger to thuggery) said "I can't believe I shook the guy's friggin' hand".

The next year they played four times. The first three were without incident, but the fourth and final game had a certain chippiness to it. When Peter Forsberg and Igor Larionov began a fight, Darren McCarty took the opportunity to settle the Draper score with Lemieux.

Here's the whole brawl.


McCarty ended up scoring the game winner in OT. Quite the night.

The Red Wings came together as a team and ended up winning the Cup in 1997. The next season, in their first regular season game, McCarty and Lemieux dropped the gloves on the first puck drop and settled the previous season's score. Lemieux didn't turtle this time.



The feud didn't die after that. Patrick Roy fought Chris Osgood on the following April 1st and almost fought Dominic Hasek five years later in 2002.





Disclaimer - used a lot of Wikipedia for this research.

Uni Girls

Here are a few recent commissions, gained as a direct result of my recent interview on Paul Lukas' Uni Watch blog. Thanks Paul, and thanks especially to my fine, patient commissioners!

Liveblogging Anaphylactic Shock

I originally intended to simultaneously liveblog both game 2 of the Mavs-Hornets playoffs rapefest and the long overdue cleaning of my shamefully messy apartment. Because maybe it would serve as a metaphor for redemption and show that no matter how badly you let things go (using plastic picnic ware for plates because all the actual plates and cutlery were buried in Mount Dirty Dishes), you can always climb back to the top with a little hard work. Turns out there is only one entity lazier than me. It's the Mavs. Enjoy:

(A note here. I realized very quickly into this that I have no idea how you mark time in a basketball game. So when I denote time, I mean how much time has elapsed in that quarter. I could write out "into the _____ quarter" after that but I've already declared my laziness so it should go without saying that blah blah blah. Also, hypothetically, am I supposed to have a calculator and do the quick subtraction and be able to tell you that these moments all occurred 12:00 - 3:48 = 8:53 into the quarter? The fact that a career in sports journalism is not really a possibility is becoming rapidly apparent to me.)

1st Quarter:

8:04 - Tyson Chandler gets fouled. Speaking of foul, what died in my trash can? Seriously, Jesus may have built Ministry’s hot rod but Satan apparently is responsible for the contents of my kitchen’s garbage can. Hint from Heloise: don’t make Homemade Tortilla Soup then say “fuck it” when it comes to taking out the trash that contains boiled down chicken remnants. You may regret it sometime in the near future.

6:40 – Dampier elbows West. My cat throws up in protest in front of the TV. I kind of don’t blame him. Dirk dunks. My cat stops covering his puke long enough to stare at the replay.

4:42 – West fouls Dirk behind the 3 point line. He should see Dr. Tylock. I see him regularly in my nightmares.

2:52 – Two names I am already sick of hearing : Chandler and West.

After buzzer - Brad Davis : “Boy if you like offense, this was your quarter.”

Yes, Brad. It was. But really, what kind of person is the basketball fan that goes “You know, I LOVE basketball but I’m really not that into offense. All that running and shooting and scoring points and stuff. Yeah I hate that. But blocking shots? And defensive three second calls? God, that really gets me going. My dream score is both teams somewhere in the low 20s”

The only good thing I can gain from that first quarter is that most of the fans in the stands already suffer from advanced cirrhosis of the liver so that was kind of like the Make-A-Wish quarter.

(I also used this time between quarters to take out the offensive trash bags. The fear of a trash juice rupture that could occur any time lead me to gingerly tiptoe to the dumpster then once I reached the safety of the garbage pen outside my back door I hurled the offending bags like Molotov cocktails and ran back in my apartment. They’re someone else’s problem now.)

2nd Quarter:

9:05 – Bass for MVP. If only because he scored the first points for the Mavs in the second quarter. After more than three minutes into it. I’ll start making the shirts.

Mark Followill – Don’t say “shout out” ever. You sound like the kid that does the morning announcements in high school on the PA. Don’t forget that yearbook money is due this week and PJ Friday is this Friday!

7:31 – Stack just made an AMAZING ninja-like pass. To Bonzi Wells.

Dirk offensive rebound, Kidd basket, Kidd steal, turnover, Hornets score, Dirk fouled. Man, efffff this. Those radio people must be on crank or something. This is hard and confusing and boring. I get distracted by stuff too easily. My radio play by play is more:

"Have I mentioned that I think that the team doctor Casey is hot? Oh wait, sorry Josh Howard shooting free throws. He made that first one. This afghan is itchy. Why do I even have it on my lap, it’s warm in here? Oh wait, because my laptop battery gets hot. Oh shit, didn’t watch the second free throw. Jason Kidd threw it far after he missed it. Defensive three seconds on New Orleans. Bonzi is a stupid name. Commerical break. Jack in the Box doesn’t want to wear a silly hat. Fly Southwest.”

The Mavs are a pretty good basketball team except I seem to have isolated part of their problem. They can’t “make” “baskets” which seem to be key to scoring points. They should look into that.

3:34 – Dirk dunks. I get excited that we are ONLY ten points down. Start planning a parade!

2:53 - Followill boldly declares that he is pro-Terry making three pointers. What’s next? Voting Ron Paul ’08?

WNBA tip-off is May 17th! Mark your calend…..oh nevermind. You don’t have to pretend you’re interested in women’s basketball. We’re all friends here. I remember one time on the way to watch a Mavs game my friend Chrissy brought a portable TV in the car and excitedly told me that the early game was almost over and we better hurry. I asked “Really? What’s the score?” She told me that ______ (non NBA franchise city) was beating _______ (non NBA franchise city). I responded that I believed she was watching the WNBA. We both went “Ewwwwww” and she added “I guess that explains why the score is 42 to 53.”

Halftime. Going to Fiesta to buy Fabuloso. And some dented cans. Only botulism can blot out the memory of this first half.

3rd Quarter:

3:48 left in third quarter – I am blogging with as much passion about this game as the Mavs are showing about playing this game.

2:31 – Bass for MVP

40.4 – Rad. It’s the America’s Next Top Model cycle where the righteous Caridee beats the evil Melrose. See Caridee has psoriasis and she beat it. And Melrose is an ass-kissing bitch who you are not supposed to want to win. And in the end Caridee wins. And manages to step on Melrose’s dress and rip it in the final runway walk off. So you see, sometimes good guys win. I’m also fairly sure that neither Caridee or Melrose would take as many jump shots as the Mavs are taking right now.

4th Quarter:

11:19 – Dirk apparently is calling for the seldom called “Christ in Mid-Crucifixion” foul. They never call those. You have to practically squirt Gatorade through the handholes to prove that one.

Then I made dinner while the massacre continued in the other room. In tribute to the Mavs, I made Sloppy Joes for dinner. And I used ground chicken instead of ground beef because even when the Mavs are playing sloppy, they still don't get it right.

And then in the ultimate tribute, I decided to give up on cleaning my apartment halfway through and just re-watched my two favorite episodes of Top Gear and thought about what sort of clever put-downs James May would have for the Mavs right now.

Eye Candy from Strangers

Last week I received my contributor copy of EYE CANDY FROM STRANGERS Vol. 1, the first volume of an annual collection of pinup art compiled, edited and published by the amazing Alberto Ruiz and BrandStudio Press. It's kind of like one of those "Workbook"- style illustration annuals, except it's all cheesecake, by dozens of different artists from all over the world working in dozens of different styles. It's also freakin' spectacular, and I'm jazzed, humbled and honored to be included. You can find out more and order the book (or even submit something of your own for next year's edition) at Alberto's website.

And full disclosure, just so no one gets "double-dipped"...the piece of mine that was included was the girl in the Penguins jersey from Atom-Bomb Bikini #5.

New Diablos Playoff Team Needed

Although this will always be a pro-Wild and pro-Devils blog they're both out of the playoffs. Therefore this blog needs a new team. Unfortunately, the Caps just lost in OT, otherwise, I think the Caps would have been a good fit. Why? Ovie is outstanding and just plain fun to watch, but I think the best reason to cheer for the Caps is the fact that they've got an owner who's a dead ringer for a cleaned up Ron Jeremy.

Ted Leonsis & The King of Porn

If you have a suggestion, try to use the comments to discuss. Apparently only Todd, Jarick, and some guy named Slag know how to use them (unless Slag is Todd's alias)

Happy Earth Day from the Diablos

Doesn't Helium make a hole in the ozone? Thank you, Lionel.

SPRING 2008 BLOG 18: Two Huge Wins And A Loss – Make Good Times For Ferris

BIG RAPIDS – Ferris State’s softball team enjoyed one of its best Saturday afternoon’s in recent memory this past weekend.

In sweeping visiting Hillsdale, 5-0 and 8-6, head coach Keri Becker’s Bulldogs had plenty to smile about. Ferris secured a regular-season first-place finish in the Great Lakes Intercollegiate Athletic Conference standings (tied with Wayne State) and the No. 1 overall seed in the upcoming league tournament at Emerson Park in Midland. Then, on top of all of that, Ferris keeps itself in a solid position to earn a spot in the NCAA Division II Tournament for a second straight season.

“We’re still playing a little streaky right now, but we’ve put ourselves into a good position now that we’re heading into the GLIAC Tournament,” Becker said as her team finished the regular season 27-14 overall and 16-4 in the GLIAC as it prepares to make the trip to Midland for the league tournament. “Even though we’ve still been a little streaky, the good thing about it is we’re finding ways to get wins and we’ve been able to win the tough games we’ve had to win.”

Game two, against the Chargers, was one of those close and tough wins the Bulldogs had to earn. Ferris dug a 3-0 hole for itself, but fought back to take a 5-3 lead. Hillsdale tied the score at 5-5, but Ferris pulled away and then held on for the 8-6 victory to cap the regular season and finished 11-1 at home.

“I’m stoked,” said Ferris junior pitcher Sarah Mueller, who earned the win in game one of the twinbill as she threw seven innings, allowed four hits, no runs and struck out one. Her record now is 13-5 this season. “It’s hard for me to put my finger on exactly one thing (the team has been doing well since Florida), but there are a lot of things that seem to be coming together and we’re playing well, but we still have some work to do.”

In the opener, Mueller’s pitching performance was aided by a 3-for-3 hitting performance with two runs scored and one driven in. Mueller also got some help from senior third baseman Katie Kraai, who added three hits in three trips to the plate with her 13th double of the season and a total of four runs driven in.

In game two, Hillsdale transfer Kayle Stevenson picked up the win in relief as she tossed three innings, allowed five hits, one run (earned), walked two and struck out four to improve to 4-1 on the season. Offensively, Mueller, second baseman Amanda Harrington, catcher Krystle Bailey and Kraai each recorded two hits. Kraai drove in two more runs and shortstop McKenzie West drove in a pair. Earning one RBI apiece were Harrington and outfielder Lynsay Weaver.

Grand Valley State earning a split with league leader Wayne State helped the Bulldogs secure a regular-season first-place tie with the Warriors and possibly the No. 1 overall seed based on tiebreakers. The league tournament begins Friday morning at Emerson Park in Midland.

Or Maybe Not

South Christian JV Player Killed in Crash

The West Michigan hockey community lost a young high school player yesterday in the car crash down in Caledonia. 16-year-old Nikkolas Carmean was one of the two kids killed in the two-vehicle crash that happened down on 68th Street. Carmean was a sophomore at Thornapple Kellogg High School, and he played junior varsity hockey with the South Christian Hockey Association last year. There is a

Team Michigan Loses in Semis

Team Michigan got beat 2-0 on Saturday evening by eventual champion Wisconsin in the Chicago Showcase. GRCC's Adam Janecyk put up 30 saves, but the Michigan team couldn't get on the scoreboard. The team had advanced to the semis after a 3-1 win against Northern New England on Saturday morning. For stats and scoresheets, click here.

Wild Out in Six; Devils in Five

Well, another utterly disappointing playoff performance has been submitted by the Wild and the Devils. Here is some video.

Ottoman

Wild 1 - Avalanche 2

Too many questions... not enough answers.

Ka-Bluey

It must have been an incredible atmosphere at Tempe earlier today, as Arizona State put on a dramatic comeback to beat intrastate rival U of A, 9-8. After the Wildcats had scored three runs in the top of the seventh to take an 8-6 lead, the Sun Devils came up with three of their own in the bottom of the inning to pull out the win.

It was the Sun Devils' first regular-season sweep of the Wildcats in 20 years; ASU had defeated U of A 8-1 on April 9, in Tucson, and 2-0 yesterday in the first game of the current two-game series in Tempe.

Game 6 Preview - Schultz In

Here's a little email conversation I had with Michael Russo from the StarTribune today...

6:40 am

Michael,

For the love of God and all that's holy...

Show Gabby the Ranger's video, or the Nashville OT winner, or Calgary's 3 goal game (with one waved off). If you're afraid of crossing the line, forward this email to Branko or Rammer or some one.

I'm desperate. Something's gotta be done.

Ted Reiff

11:40 am

Ted

I wrote about it today. Ironically, I have the room across the hall from gaborik...i jokingly told him he could borrow my laptop

Here's the write up. I hadn't read it until later today. I'm not sure if anyone remembers, but before the Rangers game, Gabby was watching Pavel Bure highlights and then before the Nashville game, Russo showed him his five goal performance against the Rangers.

Also, Russo's reporting (on the blog) that Nick Schultz is playing tonight.

Look for Nick “Willis Reed” Schultz to play tonight.

Are you playing? “I think so.”

Funny story, the second he said that, he was called into a one-minute meeting with GM Doug Risebrough, who clearly told him, “Don’t tell the media.”

Too late. It was on the blog by the time he got back. The rest of the interview Schultz, whose missed the series thus far following an appendectomy only 12 days ago, was throwing in caveats, like if I play, etc, but he’s in.

Devils 3 - Rangers 5

Team Michigan Update

Team Michigan is an undefeated 1-0-2 (4 points) after the first three games over at the Chicago Showcase with a win over Missouri and a couple of ties against Wisconsin and Northern New England. The two West Michigan players on the roster have contributed, with GRCC forward Clayton Brackett picking up two assists and Cougar netminder Adam Janecyk in the nets for both ties. In the first game,

Mona Honors Zimmerman

Was talking with a Mona dad the other day, and he told me to check out the Sailors new website, which includes an update on the team's year-end awards. In particular, he wanted me to read about the Warren Award. Here's what it said: Warren Award is an award give out by the Mona Shores Hockey Club to an individual who has dedicated his time and efforts in the advancement of the Mona Shores Hockey

Starting today, this weekend in the Pac 10 will be devoted to local rivalries: Arizona-ASU, Stanford-Cal, Oregon-OSU, and UCLA against... [wait for it]... the University of Washington. OK, UCLA and U-Dub aren't that close to each other at all geographically, but with USC and Washington State not fielding softball teams, there's little alternative. These series will either be two games (if the teams have already met once before) or three. In fact, the opener of the Bruin-Husky series is already over, with UCLA winning 2-1.

Oh yeah and

Go Mavs

(I swear, I will be writing about the playoffs)

More Wild Bitching

Here are some Wild quotes to back up what I said in the previous post. If you're sitting within proximity of a little girl, let her read them to you so you can get the full context.

"We had energy, I would say, up until the point where they scored," center Eric Belanger said.

"We had played such a good game," center Pavol Demitra said. "We had so many shots. We just needed one goal, and it just wasn't there."

And this one sounds like its coming from a camp counselor. You know the hippy chick from Camp WannaHavaFunTime! who was always so cheerful that you wanted to strangle her by her hippy necklace?... Oh, that was just me? O.K.

"We've been coming from behind this whole series," Brian Rolston said. "It would be nice to get up, it would be nice to play with a lead. Our effort was awesome tonight. We feel very proud of our effort tonight. Nobody will be hanging their head here. We'll be ready in Colorado."

That quote screams Tuesday morning tee time.

I think I know the answer for the Wild.

They need Todd on the bench and a couple of videos of the Death Mutant Jesus Killers or whatever before the game. Sure Pierre-Marc Bouchard will be a quivering heap on the locker room floor, but if that's what it takes.

Wild 2 - Avalanche 3 (No OT)

The Wild outshot the Avalanche last night, but not enough of the pucks got behind Jose Theodore. 40-17 were the shots. Theodore was very good, but...

The Wild controlled every aspect for the game for the first two periods, but when it came down to it, they never really got a good shot off. Theodore was seeing the puck extremely well and the Wild never really got a shot off that had a chance of getting by him. Backstrom was good too - the three goals that were scored on him were on outstanding shots. The only way either team was going to score on either goalie was through the backdoor. So let's look at the first three goals.

(0 - 1) On the power play, Brunette parks his ass in front of Backstrom and when Foppa throws one out front, Bruno backhands the deflection past Backstrom who's ass over teakettle in the blue paint. Pretty much a carbon copy of his other two goals (both of which started the scoring in the previous two games).

(1 - 1) Wild power play and the boys are working it around the perimeter. Burns gets the puck on the left dot after a rebound (not many of those last night) off of a Rolston shot. He thought shot, but heard Butch who's on the opposite dot. The Av's are all collapsing on Burnsy's shot and leave a lane to Butch. Cross-ice pass, backdoor shot, goal.

(1 - 2) Colorado power play on a horrible penalty taken by Hill. Liles on the blueline cross-ice's a pass to Wolski on the top of the right dot who one-time's it for the goal. Backstrom almost got all the way across the crease, but Wolski put it in a tight hole. Can't really call it an aimed shot, but the fact that it was another backdoor shot gave it as good a chance to go in as anything else thrown towards the net.



Each one of these goals were not examples of the shooter beating the goalie, but the shooter getting open with some open net in front of him. Nothing surprising, but ask yourself..."How many more times did the Wild try to go backdoor?" There wasn't a lot of passes across the slot - many of them blocked by the Av's. Gaborik got a rebound that he juggled before backhanding it into Theodore's leg pads and Burns pinched to get a cross-ice pass, but Theodore was able to get in front and block it. I'm not sure whether the Av's Defense and Theodore were able to cut down on the opportunities or the Wild weren't either aggressive or creative enough around the net. Either way, Theodore saw 38 shots last night, missed one, and I'm not sure he cared enough on Rolston's goal.

My theory is this. All throughout this franchise's history, they've played the underdog. They've been the darlings of St. Paul with their moxie and grit and whatever. They came and replaced the beloved North Stars. Their hometown hero scored the first goal ever at the X. They made an improbable Cup run in '03. They went toe to toe with the eventual Cup Champs last year and took a chunk out of them in Game 4 before Brad May "disgracefully" punched out our "non-fighting" Kim Johnnson. The entire franchise history is filled with David vs. Goliath stories.

The only problem is Goliath always wins the Cup. Every team that wins the Stanley Cup plays the bully. Even the lower seeded teams (Edmonton in '06, Anaheim in '03) that make it to the Finals take control of the games with stifling defense and opportunistic offense. They win games by moxie, grit, and a spit in your face / piss on your grave attitude that is lacking in our boys.

It shows in how they play. Last year during game four against Anaheim, when the Wild absolutely needed a win, Mark Parrish played as if he had a nest of fire ants in his breezers. He didn't score any goals in that game, but was all over the frickin' place creating chaos in his wake. The third and fourth goals by Gaborik and Rolston were goals that were the result of chaos. They weren't pretty, but they were the result of relentless pressure and advantageous positioning. When was the last time this team was relentless in anything?

A good period of playoff hockey cannot be: "We got a lot of good looks and good shots". It has to be: "We put the puck in the net". This team needs to forget the underdog role and play the favorite, because they are the favorite. They need to be the bully, not the pipsqueek. This ain't the movies - they need to be the Biff and not the Marty McFly; the Galactic Empire and not the Rebel Alliance; the Jason Vorhees and not the six 105 pound teenage actresses with 42 inch chests. They need to be Exxon and not Joe Six Pack. They are the better team and everyone knows it. But the better team doesn't move on - the team that scores more goals does.

Hey, Stretch

Just workin' on some poses...

A couple of belated notes from Wednesday's play...

Oklahoma State defeated Texas A&M 6-5 in the first game of the teams' doubleheader. The loss snapped two streaks: the Aggies' 12-0 start to Big 12 conference play and pitcher Megan Gibson's 25-0 win/loss record this season. A&M rebounded to take the second game, 4-3.

Another team ranked in the national top 10, Tennessee, split a doubleheader with Mississippi.

This is My Hometown

(That's actually the side of the pharmacy in my hometown in Georgia which is the home of the "National" Grits Festival)

Springsteen has his Jersey. Tom Petty has his Florida. Rick Moranis has his Toronto. And I have my Warwick, Georgia. A recent email from my dad has made me realize that perhaps my family in Georgia are a little more "country" than most.

The email that inspired this blog:

Amanda: I hope you're doing well.... Haven't heard from you in some time and just wanted to catch you up on some news... First, Erin (stepsister) had her baby on Monday afternoon... 6 pounds 12 ounces, 19 inches long... His name is Zachery Wayne Peacock... I've attached a couple of pictures of "Peanut"... Janice is so excited she can't stand it.... Other news, Wesley has switched schools... He's now going to Crisp Academy (He was picked to play on their baseball team)... Bubba says he's ready to transfer too...


So if you're keeping track, that's Zachery Wayne "Peanut" Peacock. The kid is three days old and has already been saddled with that name. He didn't get a chance to earn it by eating lots of peanuts or being vertically challenged. He got a few minutes to let them get the goo out of his nose and cut the cord and now he's Ol' Peanut Peacock.

You may have noticed the news about Bubba also considering transferring schools. Bubba's birth certificate reads Chandler Paul Larkin. I cannot confirm nor deny that he was named for a character from Friends. He was born in 1995. I will leave it at that. His nickname was bestowed upon him at the ripe old age of 3 months. You know, when you really get a good feel for a child's personality. Which one would you rather live up to? Being called Bubba or being named for Matthew Perry's character from Friends? I'll let you decide.

This made me start to think that perhaps the signs were there the whole time.

Example #1: My Aunt Bon bought a cordless phone in 1989. She took it home and charged it. Then she grabbed her new cordless phone, jumped in her car and drove to the closest Wal-Mart which was thirty minutes away in Cordele. She tucked the cordless phone into her purse and walked into Wal-Mart. In the middle of the jewelry department, she decided to really razzle dazzle the clerk by making a "call" while shopping. Two days later, she returned the "broken" cordless phone for a refund. So in a way, my Aunt Bon invented the cell phone. I will tell her "thank you" on behalf of all of you.

Example #2: We spent a week each summer in a condo in the sunny climes of Panama City Beach, Florida every summer. In case you aren't familiar with Panama City Beach, the nicest restaurant in the city is one that is located inside a pretend pirate ship. There were a few red flag incidents in Panama City. The first one being when we all got dressed up to go to the Pirate Ship Restaurant. This was a classy affair in Panama City Beach terms because the Pirate Ship Restaurant contained two separate dining quarters. The family-style Captain Crabby's and the more adult-oriented Hooks Grill and Grog. So the waitress comes around to take our drink orders. Most order iced tea. Dad orders his Budweiser. She works her way around to Aunt Bon (as the kids would say, she most certainly "kept it real" at all times) who enthusiastically inquires "Y'all got Hot Damn?" Yes, Aunt Bon starts out not with breadsticks or a glass of wine but with cheap cinnamon flavored schnapps. Luckily for her, we were in Panama City Beach and her wish was their Hot Damn.

The second Panama City Beach incident involved the other family tradition of getting personalized airbrushed souvenir t-shirts. By the time I was 10 and blossoming, my family decided that it would be a great idea to make me and my 18 year old cousin Jeannie get matching two-pieces to go with our airbrushed shirts. That may not sound creepy. Until you realize that my airbrushed shirt was customized with my family's new nickname for me: TATAS.

And finally Example #3: This one also involves Aunt Bon. In Warwick, there is a place called Rubo's. Rubo's is a gas station. And a bait shop. And a grocery store. And a hair salon. And a video store. And a pizza parlor. And a diner. And an arcade. And they sell guns. I'm guessing the square footage of the entire building is somewhere around 2,500 feet. I was a regular late night visitor to Rubo's. Because my Aunt Bon used to wake me up around 11pm on summer nights and tell me to put my bunny slippers or flip flops on and get in the car. So I would drag myself out of bed wearing my Care Bears nightgown and get in the car. Once we reached Rubo's, Aunt Bon would hand me a check made out for the exact amount of a carton of Doral Light 100's. I would sleepily wander up to the register to request my carton in my tired child voice. Then stagger back to my aunt's Pontiac Bonneville (she bought it because "it's got my name written all over it!") and hand over her beloved Dorals. After many late night Doral trips, I finally one night asked why I was being recruited for this task. I will never forget the answer.

"I just hate puttin' shoes on"

Devils 3 - Rangers 4

I believe it was the Red Hot Chili Peppers who so adequately said:

"GivitawayGivitawayGivitaway-blah"

Zach Parise let the puck slip off his stick to Fedor Tyutin who's slapper was tipped in by Chris Drury for goal #3. Then with 3 minutes to play, Patty Elias was trying to clear and ran into Colin White (who also ran into Marty during game one leading to a goal). The puck slid over to Straka who passed it to Staal who slapped in the winner.

Frick.

And then traitor Gomer knocks the faceoff into the Devils empty net for a pretty cool goal. I miss him so bad it hurts.

Back to the Prudential Center for Game 5 on Friday for a 7:30pm game.

Hockey Afternoon in Southern Minnesota

Grandville junior goalkeeper Ryan Wysocki donned a tie-dyed HNIWM shirt during a recent campus visit to Minnesota. Check him out hanging around the Gopher's Mariucci Arena.A note to all Players of the Week: I still owe a few of you t-shirts. If you were named a POW during the season and did not receive your t-shirt, please send me an email with your name and address. Send to:

The New Pornographers LIVE!

Rock shows by the higher-profile national bands seldom come to Richmond...they usually hit Chapel Hill N.C. and skip right by our fair city on the trip up I-95 to Washington D.C. But tonight's a different story. None other than Canadian supergroup the New Pornographers are playing tonight at a newish local joint called Toad's Place, and Mrs. Chappy and I couldn't be more excited! We've actually secured a sitter and we're going out on a weeknight (I'm voluntarily missing the Penguins game, too), looking forward to what promises to be a spectacular feast for the ears (and if Neko Case is present on this tour, for the eyes as well!).

For the illustration tie-in, here's the pencil art for a commission I did for a friend several years ago of the aforementioned Neko Case...though if I had it to do over, I'd probably fix her nose a bit!

Wild 1 - Avalanche 5

Holy Crap.

For the life of me, I don't know how to approach this one. First off, I slept through almost the entire game. My internet connection wasn't getting good coverage of the game and so I dozed off soon after the puck dropped - of course an aftereffect of watching all of Game 3. I woke up briefly after the first, checked the score on my phone, and when I saw 0-3 Av's, and knowing that the Wild are not capable as a Calgary-like comeback, I passed out for good.

After digesting highlights and various write-ups (Startribune, Russo's Blog, DenverPost (hacks), CBC, ESPN, TSN, Hockeyfights.com), I figured I would chime in with my own commentary with assistance from the late, great Herb Brooks.

Those guys looked like a bunch of monkeys humping a football.

Game 5 tomorrow night at the X. Let's hope that between now and 8:00pm tomorrow they each have a solid bowel movement and man up.

By the way, there are way too many videos on YouTube of monkey's humping all sorts of things, but I couldn't find one of a monkey and a football - not that I would have posted it, because this blog has certain lines it will not cross. So instead of a monkey, here's a turtle.

SPRING BLOG 16 2008: Kraai Sets Record; Ferris State Splits With National Power Wayne State

BIG RAPIDS – Put the two top softball teams in the Great Lakes Intercollegiate Athletic Conference on the same field and it’s only natural to expect to hard-fought battles.

And, that was precisely the way things played out as the second-place Bulldogs had a shot to wrest the league’s first-place spot from the visiting Warriors in a doubleheader Friday at the FSU Softball Field. The fans who survived some early-afternoon rain and thunderstorms were treated to a pair of classics. Wayne State (28-13 overall, 15-3 in the GLIAC) won the opener 1-0. Ferris (25-14, 14-4 in the GLIAC) rebounded, in a major way, to salvage a split with a 1-0, 10-inning victory in game two.

For the two rivals, plenty was at stake as the top spot in the league was hanging in the balance as well as positioning in the regional rankings. The Bulldogs, winners of eight of their last 10 games to gain recognition in the recently-released National Fastpitch Coaches Association (NFCA) Division II Top 25 Softball Poll, wanted to keep the good times rolling against a quality opponent.

“We knew we were going to be in for two tough games and because of that we knew we were going to have to come out ready to play and ready to try and win some tough ones,” said senior third baseman Katie Kraai, who became Ferris’ career leader in doubles, with 44 (Anne Bentley had 43 from 1997-2000), as she smacked one in the opener against the Warriors. “We had a tough loss in the first game, but that was when we knew we had to come back and do whatever we had to do to get that second one and we did it. It wasn’t easy, but we managed to do it and we needed to do it.”

Facing the 19th-ranked team in the nation (Wayne State) and one of the best pitchers in the country (Molly Yetman) meant Ferris had its work cut out.

“There are not too many teams I would honestly say I would be happy to walk away with a split against, but this is a very good team we played and I’m happy to be able to get a split. … It was big for us to get that second win,” Ferris head coach Keri Becker said as she got a big win in the circle from pitcher Holly Bruntjens (10-7) who surrendered four hits, two walks and struck out five. Kraai’s 10th-inning RBI single up the middle was the difference in the game. “I told them after the first game I didn’t want them to feel deflated. It was the opposite. I wanted them to feel excited and that was how I wanted them to come back and I think they did that.”

Wayne began Friday with a one-game lead over the Bulldogs in the GLIAC standings and ended the day with a one-game advantage after the split.

Scholarship Update

Hey there, hockey blog fans. Wanted to let you all know that I've received about two dozen applications for the inaugural West Michigan High School Hockey Blog scholarship. We will be thoroughly reviewing the applications over the next few weeks with the intent of announcing the scholarship winner in early to mid-May. (Previously, we had said by June 1, but we're ahead of the game for once).

Wild 3 - Avalanche 2 (OT)

Dear Butch,

Hey Man, Nice Shot.



Sincerely,

The Diablos

For some good and bad commentary of last night's game, read...

Tom Powers - Pioneer Press "A Little Less Respect..."
Mark Kizla - Denver Post "Ugly Betty Hockey..."


Kizla's email is mkizla@denverpost.com. Feel free to fill his inbox with spam.

Conn Smythe Frontrunners

1. Brian Rolston.
2. ??????

I spent this past Friday night in Ennis, Texas. No, I wasn't on work furlough or experiencing car problems on my way through Ennis. I voluntarily went to Ennis. The King Bucks were playing at an establishment in scenic/historic/stip mall-tastic Downtown Ennis. I have done some research into Ennis and just as I assumed, there is nothing remotely interesting or noble or noteworthy in the city's 140 year history. Wait, I take that back. Here's the two interesting facts I found:

- Ennis has the widest main street in America, possibly the world, due to the fact that it is actually two separate streets, each on opposite sides of the railroad track that runs through town.

- The median income for a household in the city was $38,923, and the median income for a family was $44,608. Males had a median income of $28,585 versus $22,855 for females.

I include that second fact because based upon my own rudimentary calculations, regardless of gender, approximately $12,000 of that yearly income is spent on jello shots.

The Wooden Nickel is actually a pretty nice little place. With the exception of their Big Buck Hunter which is unique if only for being the first such machine ever created and carved out of bedrock in a Flintsones fashion. The only problem is that The Wooden Nickel also happens to be the only place in the county that can serve alcohol after midnight. Meaning that, no matter what sort of crowd you travel with or what rung of society you dwell in, if you live in Ennis and you would like to get hammered you will end up at this United Nations of drunks sometime around midnight. And for some reason, you will become Mr. Pac Man and drinks will appear as dots to you and you will gobble them up in such a frenzied panic that you are completely unaware of your surroundings.

Seriously folks, this place is surreal. The stage is separated from the audience with a split rail fence. Conveniently, there's a balcony that overlooks the stage which gives members of Ennis's own Cossacks motorcycle gang a way to more forcefully and effectively demand that the band playing below them "play some ROCKNROLL!" It also allows their morbidly obese and dangerously intoxicated lady-friends to stand on chairs and perch dangerously over the band.

Now if you're a band and you're thinking: "Wow, this place sounds GREAT! I really want my band to play there!" I should give you a tip. There's some sound issues which I'm sure are being worked on around the clock to be resolved. So don't get too weirded out when, in the midst of experiencing ear shattering feedback, you see the sound guy walking through the crowd with a jello shot in each hand. Don't worry, he's probably really into your band. In fact, he may be so into your band that at some point during the show (mid-song) he will walk onto the stage with a beer in his hand and just sort of stand next to your bass player and nod along to the song you are playing. For a good solid minute or so.

This is the part where I want to give "shout outs" or "mad props" to some of my favorite people I was lucky enough to meet on Friday night:

1. Burnout Guy That Looked Like Andy Warhol If Things Had Gone Very Wrong for Andy Warhol - Yeah, like worse than being shot and dying after a botched operation. Like being the town drunk in Ennis. Anyways, I really loved it when you were telling someone about your love for music and how you loved "every type of music out there, man. Except the negro music. And that Mexican music." I hope every day brings you a new Dan Fogelberg record, metaphorically speaking.

2. Second Trimester Pregnant Woman Who Was Still at the Bar at 2:30am - Sometimes they say that when women get knocked up, they lose their edge. To them I say, not true. Because you were fierce. Remember when we were standing in the bathroom line and those two girls went in together and took a long time? I remember your response like it was yesterday. "What the fuck are those two bitches doin' in there? This motherfucker [pointing at belly] is pushing on my bladder and shit. Fuck, come on. I'm pregnant and I gotta piss, motherfuckers!" Don't forget to let me know where your baby registry is. I can't remember if it's Tobacco Town or Arby's.

3. The Tracy Morgan of Ennis - PLEASE. NEVER. STOP. BEING. AMAZING. You are a dancing machine. It doesn't even really matter if there's any music playing. I wouldn't have pegged you for a big David Allan Coe fan but I was wrong. My only real critique of your dancing skills is that I felt like sometimes you borrowed a little too liberally from Bill Cosby's opening credits dance. But your air guitar made up for that. I also liked how you threw the pool que on each turn you took. Keeps them on their toes.

4. Every Anonymous Person Who Likes to Go Up to Bands to Talk to Them or Make Requests Mid-Song - You guys are awesome. We have people like you in Dallas. But none who are bold enough to walk up to the band during their THIRD set to ask "WHAT KIND OF MUSIC DO Y'ALL PLAY?" In an age where irony is all the rage, I was also glad to see that there's still people who, completely seriously, request "Stairway to Heaven" from a honky-tonk band.

And so to Ennis, I would like to offer my most heartfelt thanks for showing me a "good" time on Friday night. You guys sure do know how to "party" and "have a good time" which is admirable. It's like every day is some sort of extremely depressing Mardi Gras with you guys. I wish you all the best. I hope your children are born relatively Fetal Alcohol Syndrome free and I hope that your meth-related house explosions never result in multiple fatalities.

Why There's Hope

Here's why there is hope for the Devils. From the Newark Star-Ledger:

Why did the Rangers dominate the Devils during the regular season and in the first two games of this series?

According to Sutter, there wasn't enough hate from the Devils.

"I never really saw the rivalry with these two teams until Game 2 (of the playoffs)," Sutter said. "It's been a concern of mine. Let's just put it this way: Rivalries are supposed to be heated battles. They're like wars. We hadn't had a game like that until Game 2.

"Maybe some people disagree. That's the reason why we only won one game this year. It's not that they're so much better than we are."

Sutter said the change occurred because the Devils shifted into desperation mode.

"We always disliked the Rangers but we decided we were giving them a lot of respect. Too much. We have to start hating them more," Devils winger Zach Parise said.

"We know it's a rivalry. We weren't going out and dropping gloves every shift, by any means. But I think it really took a turn in the last game. It went to a new level, I thought. There was a sense of disliking your opponent."

A cross-check to the teeth from Rangers defenseman Christian Backman certainly helped raise the hate level for Parise.

"It makes you a little more ticked off. I wasn't happy about it," Parise said. "Whether or not you lose teeth, it was a cross-check in the face. It's going to be your nose or your teeth. Unfortunately it was my teeth."

Backman's Stick to Parise's Mouth.

Last night, Mike Rupp showed some of that hate.

Devils 4 - Rangers 3 (OT)

Dear John Madden,

Thanks. You have shown us that sometimes you have to throw the puck on the goal & hope for the best.



Sincerely,

The Diablos


Dear Devils Power Play,

Nine minutes twenty six of time, eight opportunities, three shots, two goals. Minor improvement, but still... it's improvement.



Sincerely,

The Diablos


Dear Avery,

What's your fuckin' deal? Do you have any shame?



Screw off,

The Diablos

Clogged Arteries and Funny Phone Calls

This illo is from a recent Young & Hungry column in the Washington City Paper, in which the author, a food critic, confesses his love for some of the most unhealthy, lowbrow food known to man. Having the palate of a tree sloth, I can definitely sympathize...try as I might (and much to my wife's chagrin), I just can't get into the fancy food.

I colored this piece while listening to the excellent comedy phone calls of Shcarpling & Wurster. Specifically, "The Chippert Report" and "Mother 13", from "New Hope for the Ape-Eared". Definitely worth a listen.

UCLA, having been shut out by ASU (3-0) Friday night and by U of A (8-0, run rule) Saturday, was able at least to salvage a win from its weekend Arizona trip, edging the Wildcats 2-1 earlier today. In a battle of senior aces, the Bruins' Anjelica Selden prevailed over the Wildcats' Taryne Mowatt.

Arizona State, which looked to be headed to a consensus No. 1 national ranking -- and probably still will receive it -- stumbled in its weekend finale against Washington.

Texas A&M swept its two-games series from Oklahoma, both teams having come in undefeated in Big 12 play. Aggie pitcher Megan Gibson now has a 25-0 overall record. I'm probably at the head of the line in saying that won-loss record is a poor metric to evaluate pitchers, because so much depends on how well a pitcher's team provides run support. Indeed, A&M's offense is averaging 6.09 runs per game in conference play (67/11). Still, anyone with a 25-0 record has to be doing something right, and Gibson's Sunday win over the Sooners was by a 1-0 score, not exactly coasting on the offense's coattails.

Iowa, which last week put the only blemish on Michigan's Big 10 record (the Wolverines are currently 11-1), did the same this weekend to Northwestern (now 9-1). The Hawkeyes (29-13, 7-3) may be a team to keep an "eye" on.

In late night action Friday, Arizona State shut out visiting UCLA, 3-0, in a battle of the two major national polls' No. 1 teams. ASU should now be the consensus No. 1 for a while. The Bruins now go to Tucson for games against Arizona today and tomorrow.

Conversely, Washington, which lost an extra-inning affair at Arizona last night, comes over to ASU for a pair.

Those readers not already familiar with the Pac 10's softball scheduling format may have noticed an asymmetry in the scheduling (i.e., a traveling team will play one game at one school and then two games at another school). Things are balanced out again on the return trip, so that, for example, when the Arizona schools come out to Los Angeles the first weekend in May, UCLA will host U of A once and ASU twice.

Wild 3 - Avalanche 2 (OT)

Dear Mikko Koivu,

You are a Warrior.



Sincerely,

The Diablos


Dear Martin Skoula,

You're alright. We like you.



Sincerely

The Diablos


Dear Keith Carney,

You Magnificent Bastard.



Sincerely,

The Diablo Geezers (anyone older than 35)

Devils 1 - Rangers 2

Dear Sean Avery,

You're a bitch.



To the Devils: honestly, how the hell do you think you're going to score when you have five power plays and only four shots?

Sincerely,

The Diablos

Over on the Ultimate College Softball discussion boards, a person known as "UMass Fan" has been posting highly detailed "bracketology" projections for this year's 64-team NCAA tournament. The projections go well beyond which teams will make the tournament; the 16 first-round hosting sites are forecast, along with the four teams that will be assigned to each site. Here's a link to the most recent bracketology projections!

When I was little and I got really excited about something, I would tug on my clothing too!

I'll admit it. I am not ashamed. I didn't high five my friend Danny when Dirk hit that three with 0.9 seconds left. Nope. We actually high TEN-ed. I don't just hand out high TENs willy-nilly. I might also take this opportunity to point out that if you watch the jersey tugging moment right after he sinks the shot, you will notice what I personally think is the coolest thing about Dirk. He kind of has a beer belly. Which makes me think that he's probably the kind of dude that could really get down with a little bit of Big Buck Hunter.

I wish there was a more cautious way to say "cautiously optimistic" to properly express the trepidation/optimism cocktail I've got running through my veins about this Mavs playoff season. It's like "double condoms" optimism. It's like "driving on residential streets very slowly with your hazards on when driving on a donut" optimism. If you are at all familiar with Albertson's extremely slow check cashing system, I would say that this playoff series is going to feel like when you write a check at Albertson's three days before you get paid. Theoretically, you should be able to get away with it.

And if I cared about either baseball or hockey, I would be super stoked that all our city's franchises pulled off victories yesterday. Wait, what am I saying? I like parades. Go us! Also, one time I saw Daryl "Razor" Reaugh in person and he looked exactly like Morrissey. I just wanted to throw that out there.

Advance Selects All-Area Team, Highlights EK grads

The Advance papers have selected their All Area team for the year. It's an all-senior affair. For the story, click here. The Advance had also done a nice round-up of former East Kentwood players who had a great month in March, including Eric Alexander's scholarship to Ferris and Matt Jones' contact with the San Jose Sharks.

Diablos Announce Free Agent Signing

ST. PAUL, MN - The Diablos Hockey Club, fresh off of qualifying for the USA Hockey Nationals in Blaine MN, has made a few roster additions to cover for roster vacancies over the weekend of May 16-18. In one of the more surprising moves of the season, the Diablos signed Otto the Hockey Playing Bear from the Finnish B League to a 21 day contract.

"We saw his stats and his tryout video and were impressed," said Pat Quinn, Diablos European Scouting Consultant from his winter home in the south of France. "I had heard of his talents, but after seeing his video, I knew he would be a good fit with the skaters on the Diablos".

Here is the video Quinn is referring to.


"I'm glad we were able to sign him first, because the Toronto Maple Leafs were about to present a serious offer", Quinn quipped.

Otto will be flown in via FedEx on April 26th and will reside at the Como Zoo when not training with the Diablos.

Devils 1 - Rangers 4

Dear Marty,

Next time, please cover it up.



Sincerely,

The Diablos Plumbers
(and Justin Alderink)

Wild 2 - Avalanche 3 (OT)

Dear Slovakian Mafia,

It's called backchecking, boys. Sometimes you have to force yourselves to do some things that don't come naturally to you. That's why the Cup changes everything (or least it does for some guys).



Sincerely,

The Diablos Plumbers
(and Stephane Veilleux)

Arizona State tuned up for its Friday night clash against UCLA, with an 8-1 win tonight at Arizona. ASU's win ends a long drought for the Sun Devils in Tucson -- the last time they won there, most of tonight's players would have been 5 years old or younger!

Texas A&M, getting ready for a pair of big games of its own this weekend against Oklahoma, defeated Texas 3-1 tonight.

Stanley Cup Playoffs: The Mullet Speaks

Here's hoping for a Wild / Devils Stanley Cup Finals. Barry, what do you think?

Stanley Cup and Cheesecake 2008

My Stanley Cup Playoff picks didn't exactly set the world on fire in terms of debate and comments last April, but they were a lot of fun to do! So, here's this year's serving of hockey picks and cheesecake!

Also, I should note that my Stanley Cup Finals prediction of Sharks vs. Penguins, made on video last October as the season was just getting underway and both teams were in the tank, is looking mighty smart now, if all the experts are to be believed.



(1) Montreal Canadiens vs. (8) Boston Bruins

The Habs owned the Bruins all year, going a perfect 8-0 against them in the season series. And Montreal dominated those games, outscoring Boston 39-16. They might win a game, I can't see a way Boston avoids getting steamrolled. Which, since they're from Boston, I would find hilarious. Canadiens in five.



(2) Pittsburgh Penguins vs. (7) Ottawa Senators

These teams meet again in the first round for the second straight year. Last year I underestimated the veteran Sens, and they went out and thrashed the Pens in five games on the way to the finals where they lost to the Ducks. This is a different Ottawa team, however, almost choked their way out of the playoffs entirely after an amazing start to the season. Their best player is hurt, they've got one goalie who's a nutjob and another who's not very good, and are generally going in the wrong direction. Conversely, the young Penguins have weathered their first playoffs and the disappointment that comes with losing, are finally healthy and and are getting spectacular play from netminder Marc-Andre Fleury. You'd think I would have learned some humility after picking the Pens in six last April and being completely wrong, but I'm going to fly in the face of superstition and pick the Penguins in five.



(3) Washington Capitals vs. (6) Philadelphia Flyers

This is a toughie, as both of these teams were on the outside of the playoffs looking in just a short while ago. The Capitals are flying high right now, wresting the division title from the Carolina Hurricanes in their final game of the season, while the Flyers rebounded from being the worst team in the NHL last year. Washington has all-everything superstar Alex Ovechkin, while Philly has a lot of no-names whose game plan is to break the ankles of the other teams best player. Trouble is, sometimes it actually works. I'm not gonna lie to you...I hate both these teams...but I hate the Caps a lot less, so I'm gonna pick them to win it. Capitals in seven.



(4) New Jersey Devils vs. (5) New York Rangers

If you're having trouble sleeping, why not skip the Ambien and tune into this series, which promises to be a complete snooze. Both teams have great goaltenders, play stiff, choking defence, and can't score for shit. The Rangers won seven of eight games against the Devils this season, but unlike the Canadiens/Bruins matchups, the games were very close, with several having to be decided in overtime. I give the nod to New York 'cause they have more ex-Penguins, and because they're just slightly less horrid offensively than New Jersey. Rangers in six.









(1) Detroit Red Wings vs. (8) Nashville Predators

This one might not be the cakewalk it appears to be for the Red Wings, who amassed more points than any other team this season. Nashville is in the same division as the Wings, and played them tough in eight regular-season meetings. In the end, though, I expect Detroit's star-studded lineup to win out. Also, if the Preds win, chances improve that I'll have to hear someone use the exceedingly annoying term "Nash Vegas". Red Wings in six.



(2) San Jose Sharks vs. (7) Calgary Flames

It sucks having my two favorite Western Conference teams meet up in the first round, as it means one of them will be eliminated early...but it oughta be awfully entertaining while it lasts. Cal-gary's good, but the Sharks are on an absolute tear, having won something like 19 of their last 20. I don't think the Flames can keep up. Sharks in six.



(3) Minnesota Wild vs. (6) Colorado Avalanche

The only two teams in the playoffs with singular names face off in what figures to be a pretty even series. That's what I've read, anyway...I've only seen maybe one period of a Wild or Avs game all season. I've gone back and forth several times just while writing this paragraph, but I think I'll go with the Avalanche- no, the Wild in seven.




(4) Anaheim Ducks vs. (5) Dallas Stars

I don't really care much for the Dallas Stars...in fact, I have problems with the whole concept of Texas. But I flatly refuse to draw those lameass, shitass Ducks jerseys. They actually redesigned them over the summer to fit the new RBK Edge jersey template...and this is all they came up with? Makes me nostalgic for this. Anyway, screw 'em...they're ugly. Oh, and their captain, Chris Pronger, is a turd. Stars in seven.