I swear I will be done mentioning my birthday after this. The only reason why I bring it up now is because all my Jason Witten-ing that I usually do lead more than one person to predict that Witten would score a touchdown to commemorate my birth.
Here's a redacted transcript of text messages sent to me during yesterday's game. All names have been changed to protect the innocent:
12:10pm from "Delbert" - Are the Lions trying to scare us with those fugly jerseys?
12:43pm from "Delbert" - We might have to knock the Lions out one by one.
12:55pm from "Delbert" - Roy Williams defended a pass, even if he did have to cheat!
1:10pm from "Aa Dude" - Did Grampa (Wade Phillips) just come out of the bathroom with the newspaper in his hand?
1:27pm from "Delbert" - Obviously, Witten will be catching a TD pass for your birthday in the second half
2:43pm from "Aa Dude" - Peepaw (Wade Phillips) figured out football again!
2:56pm from "Delbert" - No way Witten's going out like that on your birthday!
3:08pm from "Delbert" - YES! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
3:08pm from "Aa Dude" - I will suck Witten's dick
3:10pm from "Jorsh" - Happy Birthday! Love, Tony
3:17pm from "Delbert" - GO FUCKING COWBOYS!!!! NFC EAST CHAMPS!!!!!
11:12pm from "Thomas Jefferson" - How 'bout them Cowboys!
11:18pm from "Thomas Jefferson" - You should write a sitcom about how sunny Romo is and call it "That's Our Tones"
11:22pm from "Thomas Jefferson" - Let's go get a cherry phosphate and catch a nickel moving picture!
Now I am just waiting to hear Kitna bitch about the two pass interference calls that weren't made or how the Cowboys moved the goal post two feet to the left right before the snap on that Lions missed field goal. So John, when you said you guaranteed 10 wins this season did you forget to include a margin of error? Always remember to give yourself some wiggle room.
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