ME JUST INVENTED FIRE! ME AWESOME!

I really have to preface anything I am about to type with the following disclaimer: I have a crush on Pau Gasol. In fact, my Pau Gasol crush has lead to my Geico cavemen crush. One of my favorite episodes of Mystery Science Theater 3000 is Eegah. It all makes sense now, right? While I am prefer my Pau looking as hairy and disoriented as possible, I'm even starting to admire the slightly cleaner appearance too. And I think he will do much better in Chicago. Sigh.

Mike Miller on the other hand is not okay with me. You are not Fabricio Oberto so lose the fucking headband dude. Miller's threes were the only thing that kept Memphis in the game. I don't really understand why the Mavs never could figure out a way to stop him or at least annoy him. Even Buckner being pushy really didn't seem to slow him down. As much as I hate to regurgitate whatever Bob Ortegel and Mark Followil say during the game I will out of sheer laziness. All the Mavs really had to do was win this game. No matter how ugly the win is/was. And what a horrific car crash of a win this game was. If the game had gone on any longer the Grizzlies would have started shooting threes from mid-court. And making them.

Saturday night will be a good one. Playing Kevin Garnett and the team responsible for stopping the Suns from winning 1.3 trillion games in a row should make for a good show.

Sorry

Alright, I guess he doesn't suck. He's not the "New Keith Van Horn" after all.

I do love the fact that right before the All-Star break, the Mavs reveal that some dude (as Croshere must have been known prior to this game) from the bench may just be able to come off the bench and score more than 30 points. While I would not suggest that Dirk start doing roller derby on his days off, I do feel more confident than ever in the Mavs bench.

My words are being eaten right now.

While I have way too short an attention span to actually live blog about a Mavericks game, I will come close because this has actually been a fairly eventful game and we're only midway through the second.

1. Josh Howard is having a baby. Not in a Junior man-with-child sort of way. He's not in the starting lineup because he's busy becoming a father.

2. Devean George started in his place and yet they did NOT show the home team introduction therefore I did not get to see Devean George's intoductory bulldog dance. Which is kind of bullshit.

3. It's Diop's birthday. Happy 25 years of being alive! Now stop getting stupid fouls. You're doing well tonight and (according to what I just heard) managed to rebuff a cheesy Bob Ortegel joke made at your expense. Good for you.

4. Austin Croshere. What the fuck? I don't like to eat my words and while I'm not exactly eating them, I'm sort of starting to look at them like they're the bowl of chips and I may not be able to wait on my entree. There's 6:21 left in the second and Croshere has made two 3 pointers and gotten two key rebounds. And is kind of being a dick when it comes to guarding which is my favorite kind of player. The basketball equivalent of the guy who monopolizes dinner conversation, talks over people, tells bad jokes then bolts before the check comes and doesn't leave enough money for his dinner. I may be hungry as my analogies reveal. HOLY SHIT Croshere just made another fucking 3 point shot. My feet are getting cold which is a clear sign that hell is freezing over.

I need to eat and figure out what bench player I will rag on now that Croshere has proved me wrong.